Archive for the ‘Temperament’ Category

Before I met my husband (and for many years thereafter), I was a city girl. I was born in they city. I grew up in several cities (serial city-monogamy, if you will) since we moved quite a bit in my formative years. As such, I grew up hearing mostly city noises: cars honking, people yelling at each other at all hours, sirens blaring from emergency vehicles…yep, those emergency medical workers, those were my peeps. When I got older, I went to college in the city, as was proper. I stayed with what was familiar, with what I knew.

It was my comfort zone and I was sticking to it.

My husband grew up in one city, but because it was on the border of a town, it was more bucolic in setting than the cities that I inhabited in my youth and young adulthood. As such, my husband grew up hearing more countrified-type noises: birdsong, crickets, frogs croaking and the like.

I was used to my outdoor noises. He was used to his, much like I used to listen to disco music and he liked alternative rock…we made peace with it, in a never-the-twain-shall-meet sort of way.

One (very early) morning not long after we married, I was driven to put the pillow over my head to cover my ears. No, my husband wasn’t snoring. It was those damn birds! Chirping their stupid heads off! Waking me up at dawn when I (inherently a night person at that time in my life) had barely been asleep for 4 hours!

Him: “Why is the pillow over your head?”

Me: “Because those stupid birds are chirping so loudly that they woke me up and I can’t get back to sleep!”

Him: {Silence}

Years later (read: yesterday) he told me that he seriously wondered if he had chosen the right life partner (and further wondered if I was deranged) because I’d made that statement.

Good thing I hadn’t told him about how I was envisioning shooting each one of them in their little heads after each chirp.

Desperate times.


My husband and I had gone out to eat for breakfast and I sat across from him watching him read the paper.

Not talking with me.

I just sat and ate.

I was stewing about his jacket. He has this tan jacket that he wears ALL THE TIME. It has seen better days and the tan has turned to black around the middle and on the cuffs. I hate this jacket. It belongs in the garbage. I feel it is way too dirty to ever be worn to town, let alone in my company. He wears it happily to his parents’, to work, and to church.

Oh, how embarrassed I am by this!

I finally cannot stand it anymore and say to him, “Let’s get you a new jacket.” His simple response is,  “Why? I have a new one at home.”

I thought I was going to explode. He had a new one at home and I have been going to town with him wearing this dirty one. I blurt out, ” Why aren’t you wearing it? ” He says, “If I wear it, it will get dirty. I don’t want it to get dirty.”

The new one is still hanging in the closet and has a nice layer of dust on it.


A Circumlocutionary Tale

Posted: December 15, 2011 in Temperament
Tags: ,

Subtitle: “Would you just answer the f@#$ing question?!!!!”

The other day, my husband asked me a question. As so often happens in such a scenario, said question did not have a cut and dried, yes or no answer. There were…variables to consider.

Here’s the question: “Will you be home in the morning tomorrow?” Here’s the problem: I know he just wants a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’. I can feel it in my bones. I can smell it in the air.

I need more information, however, before I can even begin to formulate an answer.

  1. What time tomorrow morning are you asking about?
  2. Why do you want to know?
  3. Do you need me to be home? If so, I could certainly try to arrange to be, depending on what time of the morning we’re talking about (see #1).
  4. Did you just have an errand that you wanted me to run for you? I can certainly fit that into my day.

And so forth.

So, as I’m trying to gather the information I need to answer his question, I risk asking him some questions.  I can see his frustration mounting and he says, “Stop answering my question with more questions!” (something that also irritates Brick on the TV show  The Middle when Reverend Tim Tom–not a woman–answers his questions about the meaning of Christmas in this fashion). Is this a man/woman thing? Or maybe it’s a Scorpio/Gemini thing?

Now, there certainly are some questions that can be answered with a simple yes or no.


  1. Is today Wednesday? Yes.
  2. Do you have two children? Yes.
  3. Do you have one husband? Yes.
  4. Do you have a cat? No.

(See? I can do it! I am doing it!)

These are not the types of questions that he is likely to ask me, unfortunately. He is more likely to ask questions that absolutely DEFY a yes or no answer!

I don’t know why!

The moral of this story is this:

It’s hard being a shades-of-gray woman married to a black-and-white man.